Friday, August 20, 2010

Happy Go Lucky All the Freaking Time

I personally think my writing is my "put on a happy face" moment of the day. It's my positive spin on life, but never sugar coated. It's real, it's everyday, but it's only a glimpse, or a thought I had, or a silly picture. It is not a synopsis of my entire being or who I truly am every moment of every day. So why am I even bringing this up? Because I have now run into this problem twice in my life. There are people who think if I don't announce to the universe everyday that I'm happy, well then I must not be. This irrational state of thinking is exactly why I list breathing as one of my Facebook interests. What!?! You don't have breathing as one of your interests? Then the only conclusion I can draw is that not only do you not like to breathe, you must actually hate breathing. See how silly this is?

It's not silly to my mom. She has people telling her things like "I read Brittany's blog today and she's miserable in Washington. " WHAT!?! I'm not really sure where this notion came from, that Washington is the root of all evil, but I certainly don't ever remember once mentioning that I hate Washington. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love Spokane, I loved living in the Tri-Cities. I hated my job there with a passion, but that had nothing to do with where I lived. Evil people have spread out across the planet. They are not only found in Kennewick, Washington. But to my mom that one sentence equals all problems will be fixed if I just uproot my life, ditch everything I've worked for and at 25 move back with my parents. That is quite possibly the equivalent of my worst nightmare.

I thought I wrote on a semi-regular basis how thankful and blessed I feel. I thought this silly, funny, little blog was just that, silly, funny, and little. A little glimpse into a certain adventure I chose to pick out from my day to write about. I also don't write everyday that I brushed my teeth. Not only do I brush everyday, but I floss too! Don't get me wrong, I've written about sad moments, days and weeks. This blog is part of my healing process. It's part of how I deal with those bad moments. But for anyone to take a blog post and think that is a truly reflection of the complete me, well those are the people who I guess haven't bothered to pick up the phone and really talk to me. This blog is also not a conversation. It's my statement of the day. I read and am thankful for every comment I get, but there really is no back and forth.

And the truth is I'm not happy go lucky all the freaking time, because you know what? I found those people to be boring. Give me some emotion. Give me anger, frustration, sadness, elation, tears of all kids. I also think people that are happy all the time have no idea what it's like to laugh so hard you cry. They are too busy smiling at you all the time, yuck! I probably laugh until I cry or at least it hurts once a week and most of the time that happens at work!

I know I put myself out there to be judged by the world, and there is no subject I won't write about. BUT and this is a big but: please, please take it for what it is, a blog. If you're really worried about me ((and I thank you so much for your concern, really from the bottom of my heart)) write me an email or better yet pick up the phone before you assume what my life is like. And some of you have done just that without judgement and just said hey, is this as bad as it seems? And for that I am eternally grateful for. And guess what? That one person who took the time to say do you really need help? Are you really not OK? Was from right here in WASHINGTON. It wasn't someone from Illinois.

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