Monday, June 28, 2010

Growing Up John

I had an epiphany the other day. I was listening to my ipod when a song I had loved so much for years no longer seemed to be a fitting theme song for my life. In fact, I thought "that's not how I feel anymore, at all!" The song was John Mayer's "My Stupid Mouth." Now don't get me wrong I LOVE that song, but it's just not "ME" anymore.

I've been in love with John Mayer since high school. "No Such Thing" became more than a song it was an anthem to be played over and over again. That entire album defined my high school outlook. "Heavier Things" helped me sort out the first couple of years of college. And then "Continuum" seemed ahead of it's time. I remember thinking I wasn't going to like this album as much, but I LOVED that album more than the others. It then defined my very first real-love-of-my-life breakup. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" made me cry for YEARS!

Now "Heartbreak Warfare" has hit the shelves and once again the timing in my life couldn't be more perfect. I've always felt like John was singing the theme songs of my life, I just never imagined those theme songs might change. I'm a lot less like "My Stupid Mouth" these days. The exact line when I had my great epiphany: "I'm never speaking up again, it only hurts me. I rather be a mystery than she desert me."

The epiphany was about much more than a song, it was about a state of being. I'm no longer afraid that what I say is going to drive someone away. If it does, who cares? At least I was me. It's also about being more of an adult and of course I have the Missaroo to thank for that. She's really made me more responsible, but in a different way than I've ever been responsible before. I'm no longer envious that I don't have somewhere to go after work, because it's too much of a pain in the butt. I have to take care of the Missaroo first anyway so I rather just stay home. It's also a responsibility that extends beyond myself. I'm responsible for her well being and life. That's more important nowadays than "a date over dinner yesterday." I'm becoming more of a woman everyday and I'm growing up John.

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