Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Turning 25

My birthday is about two weeks away and I'm about to hit the quarter of a century mark. And to me that's pretty scary. They say 25 is the last birthday to really look forward to because your insurance goes down. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely looking forward to my birthday, but it's the first time I've been afraid to turn another year older. I'm grateful for the life I lead. I'm happy to have a career, not a job, to be on my way to a Master's degree, and to not live at home or in Illinois. I'm also happy I have the Missaroo and that I'm able to take care of the two of us on my own. BUT I also hoped my life would be very different by now.

I had hoped by now I would be one step closer to the new priorities I discovered in the desert. (well the TC that is). Those new priorities include a family life. I don't want to move every two years to climb the ladder. I will if I have to, don't get me wrong, but I'm also tired of introducing myself and at the end of the sentence saying when my end date is. I'm just tired of moving being a defining factor in my relationships.

I don't want to live in Spokane forever, that's not the goal either. But the new goal is to find someone to build a life with and where that conjoined life takes us, I don't really care.

So, I'm turning 25. I feel like I'm rather successful in my own little way and yet I am so far away from my own personal goals it feels like a disappointment. The worst part is I don't have the slightest clue on how to achieve that goal. I thought maybe potentials would see my Master's degree as me trying to settle down. That didn't seem to work. I've tried learning to cook and become all things domestic as a way of showing I am at the very least, girlfriend material. That didn't work. And see the thing is, I can't completely put aside my ambition. I was just hoping to find someone as ambitious who would give me a new definition of success, ours together. And I did for the first time in my journey find someone as ambitious as me. That still didn't work. So it's back to the miss-adventures of me and the Missaroo. I'm turning 25 soon as a single dog mom and I'm hitching my ambition to her. Trying to make her famous one blog and facebook update at a time.

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