It's been nearly a week since I tried to say goodbye and hoped the dogs would get their chance even if I didn't get or deserve one. Now we take it one day at a time. The dogs, as always, are doing much better than I am. I miss having someone to talk about them to all of the time: About the chance to blog as the Missaroo. About Mister peeing on everything. The latest thing the two of them got into the night before. Our day to day lives really. We also miss the added attention.
I'm also really mad at myself most days. It's been hard to turn my frown upside down. Being mad at yourself is sometimes the hardest kind of mad to get over because you have to wake up next to you everyday. You have to look yourself in the mirror everyday. You have to be you everyday. How could I mess up so badly there is no way for me to fix it? And how do I live with that? I don't know. I do know I am blessed to always have the love of Mister and Missy. Although I messed up for them too, they always forgive and forget. Hopefully I can do the same. But it is an uphill climb every day. It's a journey I begin in the morning, wrestle with all day, and doesn't end when I close my eyes at night. I dream about it too. I pray for forgiveness each step of the way. I'm trying to move on one moment at a time.